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STAYING ALIVE AMONG THE UNDEAD
Guanaco Peak
Average grade 26%, elevation gain 910 m with the high point at 2120, view priceless.
A ‘B’ hike with a ‘C’ drive to one of my favourite areas, the Coquihalla Highway.
What is even better for some of us geriatrics is it is only 7 km round trip when you drive up to the mountain base.HEARTBREAKER
The theme today was cast in stone by our CD Dave The Heartbreaker. I know your all thinking the CD must be some smooth suave good looking hunk. Maybe he is but not today. See, on this hike he had not one but two cardiac arrest invalids. The last time I was on one of his hikes he drove me so hard I ended up in the hospital. Tricky Rickie was the other member of today’s group that had his issues several years earlier and my guess he was on a hike with Dave The Heartbreaker when he had his heart attack. Am I right TR?
There are many versions of the song Heartbreaker but our CD had his own version originally played by Pink. It was a little annoying and he either sang the words or whistled the tune just loud enough that we could hear him from the beginning of the day at the parking lot at Franklin right up to the time we went for dinner at Meatloaf’s Home Cooking restaurant in Hope.
“I won’t be leaving here alive, I might as well lay down and die, I pray to God you’re not a heartbreaker.” These words just seemed to grate on Tricky Rickie and myself while we hiked up the Upper Coldwater River valley. We could hear the theme echoing throughout the day. It was Dave The Heartbreaker singing it while we climbed. It became creepy.
The day started bright and early in cloudy Vancouver and quickly moved out to the Wack to pick up the rest of the group at Timmy’s. The view while driving was something nobody might see for the next six months. As the yellow sun rose the mountains surrounding us were crystal clear. Baker toured over us in all her glory as well as many other challenging mountains. Little did we know this would become a story of an apocalyptic take of an unruly world.
First, I must say, you know that little voice inside your head that tells you to say and do the right thing? Well, I don’t have one! The question that I need to ask, when I feel that nobody loves me, nobody cares for me and people are jealous of me, I just need to ask myself….Am I too sexy? Yea, I know these are hard facts of life that sometimes I need to just accept and move on. But today was going to be like my quick trip to the confessional to absolve all my mistakes out in the open with mother nature. So my little blog here is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Wow, I feel better already. Written therapy is great.
Secondly, today was NSH soon to be X Boss Lady birthday. She will not tell us her age but my guess it must have been one of those ‘big one’s’. Happy Birthday Boss Lady. Yet, I wonder what is going to happen to her when she heads out to the world of former NSH Boss people. I have only been around for less than two years with this club but some nagging questions have been bugging me. Just this past Wednesday I hiked with former NSH Boss Man and he was sent out to Russia’s version of the Gulag, Fort McMurray, when his tenure was finished as a volanteer leading all the loss soles, or members, of this strange group known as NSH. That was the thanks he got. All I know I am like Yogi Berra dictum, “you can observe a lot by just watching.” I am just telling it the way I see it.
Thirdly, did you ever notice that when NSH soon to be X Boss Lady is around someone with an accent she picks it up? It is true. One of today’s members, Anny Fanny, is from England and has been illegally working here for the last several years with questionable multiple passports has this funny accent. As the day went on and the chatter dragged it became noticeable she was transferring her funny accent over too soon to be X Boss Lady. Can this really happen? Yes, it did.
Fourth, I finally got to meet computer geek Activist Heather from the Wack; was she really going to be like miss guided Che Guevara? Being a bit of a anarchist myself I was always wondering how Activist Heather and myself would hit it off. All I can say is I am still here to write my blog! No really, she seemed to be a great member. I had to agree with all the things she is willing to stand up and fight. Anybody that is going to stand up to the Moron’s that govern Lions Bay is high in my books. Unfortunately, she has not had the same success with the idiots that tell us they govern The Wack for everyone’s best interest and are gutting the base of Elk and Thurston. I have always said when somebody from Government tells you that this is for everyone’s best interest you know you’re going to get hosed, and we do.
Did I tell you about my 4X4 yet? I guess not so I might as fill you in. It is new. It’s colour is pumpkin. It drives really well off road. My passengers, soon to be X NSH Boss Lady and Anny Fannie, only used the barf bags once. Once upon arrival and once upon departure. As you can see Chrysler has perfected the balance mechanism really well! I had a third passenger after we left Meatloaf’s Home Cooking restaurant, Roger Dogger. Great guy. I have hiked with him several times in the past. He has a good sense of humour. He was telling me he was making bets on me to see if I could complete my hike while acting as CD three weeks after my heart attack back in July. Your probably asking what the heck was I thinking even showing up, but this NSH C Hike Coordinator drives a tough team. Anyways, Dogger Roger won his wager. After about ten steps I fell over on my face and failed to up hold the high standards of NSH CD’s. Sorry for letting everyone down. See. I told you this is like true confessions. NSH C Hike Coordinator probably did not even know that I failed to finish what I started as CD that day.
Back to Roger Dogger again. He works as an interpreter which is kind of interesting. Can you imagine trying to hold it together when you’re in the same room with Hugo Chavez and the President of Columbia and Chavez is trying to convince everyone that having Venezuela take over Columbia is in the best interest of Democracy? I mean some of the stuff Dodger must hear and then have to translate to the other party has to be mind numbing. Would it not be fun to just change up a few of those words and see if you could alter history? Hard to understand why you would want to become a terrorist to change the world when you could have all the comforts of becoming an interpreter and really have some fun.
Before I tell you about the hike I need to mention my friend Mark who was on the trip. Mark is an a enigma for me so I will keep my words brief. This guy has legs on him that look like he must me mainlining steroids right into his hamstrings. He must spend a life pushing boulders around, the legs are monsters. This guy always has a smile. Sometimes it reminds me of a marathon runner at the end of killing themselves over 26 miles. The runner always has this smile of pure pain from the high of endorphins. I wonder if that is what Mark has? Oh yes, and here is this guy doing his laundry about 30 m from the summit. I am dragging my sorry butt over a rock cliff on my way to the summit my eyes see what I think is just wrong. Mark is hanging his cloths up on a make shift cloths line to dry. It looks like he has just finished washing them and now putting them on the cloths line for the afternoon. It was nice and sunny but the cool winds of the valley were a little cold for anything to dry. Perhaps freeze, yes. Dry no. Oh yea, he forgot to get his cloths on the return trip.
The climb was fun. Well marked trail and our CD had done a recce in the rain not to long before so he kept us on line. Tricky Rickie, Dogger Roger and Dave Nightingale and Activist Heather lead the way, oh yes and of course Mark my enigma was wondering around aimlessly making his own trail lead the way. They were way ahead until we hit the snow. Snow is such a great equaliser. For us slow sluggers, soon to be X NSH Boss Lady, Anny Fanny and whistling Dave The Heartbreaker swept from the rear. For the front runners they thought today was all about being outside in the mountain fresh air for some exercise. For us folks at the back we were there for therapy. It was kind of hard while Dave sang Heartbreaker all day but from self imposed training from years of discipline and a mind made from kryptonite I managed to set his annoying out bursts aside and carry on with an intellectual conversation. Climbing through a well groomed trail in the trees up into the alpine my eyes were always glued to the women’s butts in front of me, I mean Vicuna Peak. What an impressive sight Vicuna provides. I have made a note that I need to come back and try the peak of this wonderful mountain. The conversation discussed was mostly in depth comparison of who was funnier, the three stooges, Larry Moe and Curly or Groucho Marx. It was a coin toss. I love that saying Groucho said “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it”. I have always been waiting to use that line. Another was “she got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.” As you can see the conversation was deep and meaningful.
Back to Vicuna. We traversed along the base of Vicuna over to Guanaco in soft wet snow with considerable ease. Our CD moved from the rear to the front and broke trail leading us to the summit. A little easy rock scramble brought us to the summit surrounded with wall to wall sun shine and views. The views were wonderful. It is those views that keep me coming back to the Coquihalla area. Just getting back up to the snow covered alpine was pure heaven for me. My confession was now complete and my sole was absolved of all my mistakes. I am lucky it just happens that easily.
After hanging around the summit for some pictures of a cat fight between Boss Lady and Anny Fanny as well as a late lunch everyone had an enjoyable decent back down to the Coldwater River. I wonder how that river got its name? Even our CD took a chill pill and laid off the singing Heartbreaker for a few moments so the rest of us could focus on the demanding questions about group sex Anny Fanny was asking everyone. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, I just tell it the way it is.
Tricky Rickie missed the closing conversation with Anny Fanny because he blitzed down and was too busy sitting around on Mark’s lawn chair clipping his toe nails and grooming his hair to have heard the answers. What were the answers? What happens on the mountains stays on the mountains!
Life is good. Snow covered alpine in the sun makes it even better.
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